Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
