I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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