i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to calm my uterus...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
