Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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