sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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