No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize