Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
