Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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