sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
