i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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