So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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