My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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