Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
