Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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