Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
