Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
