guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
