Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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