so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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