i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
