I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
