my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
