it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
