I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
