Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
