i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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