No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
