you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
honey bunches of taint.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
