I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
