Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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