K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
