My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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