i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
