I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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