some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
