I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
