there's paper in my vomit.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
