Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
