we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
