No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize