when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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