Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My vagina just recognized that song.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
