You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
