Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
