I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
