i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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