i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
