I accidentally had phone sex last night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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