the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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