When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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