We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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