...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize