dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When are your genitals available?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
