So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
