that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
