Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
