why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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