you traded sex for a burrito?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
