yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
