there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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