I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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