I wanna bring you to show and tell
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
