can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
