It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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